Monday, December 7, 2015

He knows what he's doing


    So yesterday day December 6th was my grandma Dorothy's birthday. When she passed 3 years ago a part of me died as well. After she died as well as the division of my family changed me. At times where I would be very open and trusting of others I no longer was. Or times I was possibly more loving I was more standoff-ish. Years gone by I didn't know how to get back to me. I even distanced myself from God. I believed when my grandma died so did my connection to God. (Backstory: when I ever had a serious problem I would go to my grandma and we would talk about it and we would pray about it over the phone and afterwards it would seem as though God would hear her and instantly I would feel a weight lifted)

   Before I knew I was pregnant I decided to give up. Nothing drastic but I decided I wasn't going to try anymore I just going to live until I died. Most mornings I would hate waking up I just wanted it to be over.
  Then on Valentine's day I discovered I was pregnant.  Through trials and tribulations of the 9months that followed the love of my life was born in the form of Yava'ah. I didn't even think I wanted kids. I never knew love like this. Through her birth I rediscovered love, I got my fight back, I have a will to live and I feel like I truly have a purpose. I don't want to leave her on this earth on her own. I hold my daughter tighter and kiss her much because God sent her to save my life. My little girl is my Angel. People always seemed surprised when I say I am either feel complete or that I love being a mom. If they only knew what I had to go through to get her here. Or what I had been through prior to her being here.
   You might not understand why God is doing what he's doing or why are things happening to you the way they are. But trust him he knows exactly what he's doing.  It will definitely work out

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